Is it such a fiend-in-the-flesh, some ghoul (a) who wanted to tamper with another’s mind.  And discovered: as innocently, as vulnerable, as young as mine was.  For I had not any defenses just yet.  And not as frightening, now that I am aware of what it has irrevocably performed on me.  It is I who thinks these thoughts, or is it the dominatrix, she? This intruder within, who lives off of me.  How will I be sure?   Or if she has suppressed the nascent (b) reality that was me, mayhap inside this shell I have [indeed/surely] died!  In these rare moments she lets the smothered [self] for a moment rise.  

This occurs, for the casket-bound (c) [will/can] not reanimate since it has lain too long in slumber; if it disturbed it reeks of dried blood and frozen thoughts within (its strangled veins).  It presents a [horrific] picture: rotten corpse of a mind caged too soon without a chance to [learn/breathe].  Of these secrets, who is it that in selfishness keeps?

How can it be me?

Such a fatality surfaces now.  Why did she wait for more than ten of our years?  Tired now of inflicting cruelty she would carelessly leave -- but who would remain?  The infant-in-repose(d) has not the power to fulfill her functions.  Am I dead?  For how long, and so this dilemma we have on our hands. Know I not who I am: who stole from me my life [when I was still too young].  Do not leave me now ...  Grant me a few more years, even though the day, at its mere mention I at times am crippled with discontent of the highest order: There is no choice but to cringe unseen in the recesses, shelved away from everything (that could’ve fed me knowledge and wisdom).  

Who am I really?

Production notes 28Sep95:

Another piece recovered from the Archives, long thought to be lost.  This piece retells the instance whence the writer apparently recognizes the “Other”, a darkling entity that has often had control, and has been representative as “the person” upon this sphere. It has been personified as a woman, for no logical reason, except that certain manifestations during excursions that the “One” (the physical person, the writer) sporadically embarks on, often leaving traces in his dreams, or popping up unexpectedly during waking hours as  sudden voices, or even displaced noises.
What will make the reader realize though, is that this is strongly a combination of two distinct Canon; The Masquerade, and even more visibly, the Ascension. It has been given much thought that the “Other” is most likely an Irmetic who had lost her “true self” to the darkness, and therefore needed another’s essence: or in this case her essence in another’s shell. And utilized the most powerful psionic attacks during the child’s hour of illness.

footnotes:
a) the usage of the term ghoul, as we know, is inappropriate, rather: Wraith, or even, if the imagination permits -- an Unseelie Fae who possesses very powerful mental/mystic attributes. A number of predators is possible.
b) the word nascent was not yet in use at the given date of origin
c) the term casket-bound forces the argument of a Kindred-intervention here. Another avenue to be investigated. Whether it were Kindred who maligned the boy at a tender age, and left an incorporeal spirit to taint his essence? Or in preparation for Gehenna, an elder (or even Methuselah!) took it upon herself to process the boy to “sleep”, and thus be in readiness to be “activated” when the time had come...
d) “infant-in-repose” : figure of speech that the writer used to hide the all-too obvious : Dead Child, referring to his shattered/manipulated psyche.
reading: Creatures of Philippine Lower Mythology  (Maximo D. Ramos) ISBN: 0824804406

X: [x] writer’s marks, originally (x)
   : (x) researcher’s marks, to differentiate

to the reader-in-earnest:

This is the piece that I spoke of last night, when we discussed the Five Paths.
Options open are as to the nature of  [she]: 

1. an elder Verbena Marauder; 
2. Nephandi; (both of The Ascension); 
3. Ancilla (or Elder) Thaumaturgist Kindred (The Hidden)
4. Unseelie Baroness of House Eiluned (The Dreaming~)

He-Who-Reigns-Above only knows, as to the extent of damage the interloper inflicted upon the subject.  Evidence shows that such damage has been extensive, and solutions
(for resolution of Conflict) have been far and few in between.  

Carpe Noctem,
Christian