The wicked thing was that I didn’t have to do
it alone.
At the end of the rope you’re supposed to tie
a knot, hold on and ride out the rest of the storm.
Time is not on your side at this point.
You were born without ceremony and without formality introduced to the
grim reality of growth, fed on a shifty-eyed diet of tepid insubstantiality
and the rude awakening by the seven-fifteen undependable. There is
no shelter. Companionship is definitive of walking the shadow in
between worlds. Even in the worst winter I’ve chosen to starve and
freeze rather than whore and pander. Inside the walls of Elegia there are
no martyrs.
Requiescat in pace.
The first with a polished granite headstone was
marked, sleep assured. For the last a quivering sigh of comfort with closed
eyes. The lot was faceless, oddly quiet. An afternoon of autumn
rain threatening to dismantle the backbreaking work I had put in, an honest
effort to hide the dismal shame of failure.
For your sake I should’ve known better.
Who’s to blame? I was never a mind reader.
I began ripping from Mnemosyne every single fragile
moment. A childhood anecdote regarding the very first stuck to my throat.
Pristine crystal I still remember the tune. I refrain from calling out
the names as I recite for you this soliloquy. Shudder to think that I may
have helped you reach the window. Apology, I claim for you this harrowing
dirge.
Its rhythm is naked liquor.
My lips
burn.
It was enchante, sensual
this madness.
There were more to follow. In futility
I shared the best with total strangers. The unabashed exhibition
a pleasant stroll, evening Forest. “Pay no heed to the horrors beyond
pastel singularity”, quotes denote wisdom. Best well-kept secret
the transient character shelling mojoss from similar suitcase. Rose
colored glasses, corner of Elysia and Paper. You knew your teeth before
you could see, says he. Ask your tongue if there should be any questions.
The suspense is killing me, your thoughts spoke plainly. Funny choice
of words… funny. Local favorite you had the best chance of survival.
And you would’ve turned out really good. Not even a year. But I’m
afraid I have to show you this.
Double, zero.
Worse for wear that I dwell on these matters
any longer than necessary. The effort takes an incredible toll.
The body asking for respite from repetition, the mind reeling from rote,
seeking refuge in inebriation. This should wake me. Caffeine,
my mouth you bathe in acid. The desired effect, my conscience smoulders.
The last time felt real. It’s been a while
since I’ve had to tax my eyes for anything vaguely resembling emotion.
Stripped to the waist, punching the earth with this metal implement, my
thoughts switchback to the beginning. I have never promised anything
to anyone, but just this once. The key opened unknown invisible doors.
I am weakened within love’s prison. The selfless, raw core of someone
shared without hesitation, without regard for repercussions.
I was taught the very meaning of Hunger.
There is no regret.
I shroud your brittle form and lend the undiluted
truth. You are the last, and with your departure the secret tripled
worse. I could have shown you the world. But artifice renders
precedence, it would have shunned and devoured you. The second part
of your name was given. I already know the answer. Lay unto
the bosom, the welcome whisper of crickets counting the hours. Has
it taken that long? Granted this incomparable gift and in return
begging your pardon, I was your conductor. The sin of another life
from an unknown future Kerberos that waits for me. In the other world
tell them I forgot this once, that your swift passage has helped me to
remember. Following her footsteps into the nether I call out each of your
names.
Over and
over.
Once and again your rebirth traces a narrow escape.
Ashes unto ashes, we are forever the pyre smothered. |